Journal of anime ramblings, fiction works and reflections
A/N: I removed this fanfiction from the the “Fanfiction Entries” parent page. I really hate how it looks branching off – makes it look very untidy so I had to remove it and just make it an individual page in the name of neatness.
Sena didn’t speak to me when I went to the club room; she didn’t even glance in my direction. No one noticed this. It was a concealed and contained hostility that only I was aware of. It made me feel uncomfortable as I sat at the table, across from Rika, and glanced from time to time at her back. If she was actually concentrating on her game, or just ignoring me; I couldn’t tell the difference. I don’t even know why trying to tell the difference mattered to me. It wasn’t as if she ever acknowledged me much whenever I came in, more than just for the mention of my name in that nonchalant tone as if I ceased to exist the second after she said my name.
But it mattered, because of what happened the night before. I didn’t even want to come to the club room; my chest had felt so tight the closer I got to coming inside. And I felt guilty when I looked at Yozora who, oblivious to all that had happened – unaware of my fretful glances – was just reading through her book.
Yukimura came to me and if she hadn’t spoken so closely to my ear, I wouldn’t have realized she was even there. “Aniki, what’s wrong? You look troubled.”
I glanced up at her, then to the tea she set on the table before me. I smiled and waved a hand, “Nothing,” I said, as easily as I could. But I felt the weight of my forced smile and her concern became lost in that clueless, default expression of hers as if I’d said something too complex for her to understand.
She moved away, clutching the tray to her chest and I noticed Rika then, watching me over the top of her laptop. She wasn’t wearing glasses today and her hair was pulled back into two buns, tresses of her hair falling down the sides of her face. But I didn’t care to mention the change of her look, as had become the norm between us now. I just didn’t feel like talking, didn’t feel like myself here.
The atmosphere of the Neighbor’s Club was supposed to be a constant ebb and flow of nothingness and ease; but for me, that atmosphere had diffused and left me feeling suffocated and gauche. It no longer felt like a place I was welcome to.
“What?” I asked Rika, as I dragged the cup closer to me, my hands wrapped around the warm porcelain china. She narrowed her eyes slightly and I almost felt myself squirm beneath her shrewd gaze and sweat dampen my brow.
I hoped she hadn’t seen my glances between Yozora and Sena. I am no master of disguise, so I doubt I masked my guilt well enough – or at all.
“What Rika? You’re freaking me out.” I frowned at her now.
“Nothing,” she said after awhile, with a nonchalant shrug before she returned to whatever she was doing on her laptop.
We all turned to look at Sena, who had sprung to her feet and thrown down the game controller on the floor, causing an inordinately loud sound.
“Hey, Meat. Keep it down. What’s your problem?” Yozora said, fixing a stern gaze on Sena who glared back at her – her entire body quaked with a palpable frustration…and probably I was the only one who felt the weight of it. She tossed her hair over her shoulder but gave no reason for her random outburst, then turned in my direction. When our eyes met, I noticed three expressions that transitioned into each other: shock, anger…then detachment.
I swallowed, waiting – hoping – she’d say something to me but then the hostility returned to the light of her eyes and I looked away from her and occupied myself; searching my bag for something that didn’t even exist.
“Whatever, I’m leaving,” she grumbled and from the corner of my eye, I saw her grab her bag up then storm out the room and slam the door.
I wondered if it had been too much for Sena; knowing that I was there? Maybe she wasn’t good at keeping her emotions contained, or tolerating whatever bothered her? Even though I never said much, I felt as though the sound of my voice had pushed her to her limit, and I don’t know why but I felt the urge to run after her. It was a premature instinct; what would I even have said if I had done that and stopped her? She wouldn’t listen to me anyway if I had somehow come up with saying what I wanted to.
“What’s her problem?” I heard Yozora mumble this and looked at her as she stared at the door, which she must have thought could answer her by some mysterious power. She shifted her gaze between me and Rika, then to Yukimura before she glanced down at her watch and made a sound. “Class starts in a bit.”
She closed her book and got up, picking up her book bag, “Come on, Kodaka.” She walked to the door and opened it, looking over her shoulder at me.
“Go on without me, I’ll be there soon.”
She frowned slightly but nodded and left after saying bye to Rika and Yukimura. Yukimura left shortly afterwards, leaving Rika and I alone. I knew what would happen if we stayed together here. I should have left with Yozora but apart of me wanted to be scolded by Rika – to be advised. I liked Sena, I wouldn’t deny that and I know she was still mad that I rejected her. For her, it’s something that never happened, couldn’t have happened – but I changed that part of her history.
“What happened between you and Sena, Kodaka?”
I looked at Rika, blinked at her and frowned. “What?” I chuckled lightly. “What are you talking about? Nothing happened between us.”
She fell quiet and studied something on my shirt before looking at me again. “Don’t lie to me.”
Why was she being like this? I wanted her to just start yelling and not give me a chance to explain myself until she was done scolding me. I didn’t want her like this; I didn’t want her calm.
“I told you…nothing.”
“Then why is she mad”- her eyes narrowed for a second “-…at you?” she raised her brow.
Suddenly, I wished Rika wasn’t half as assertive as she was. The chair scraped back against the hardwood floor, falling over when I stood and pushed it back with a force I didn’t even realize then. “I don’t know! I’m going to class.” I said that, not caring that my tone with her was rough and annoyed. Obviously it shocked her; she stared up at me with wide eyes.
“I’m going…” I said again, calmer now and in a form of apology. I picked up my book bag from the floor and walked to the open doorway and before I turned the corner, she called out to me and I stopped but never turned to look at her.
“Whatever it is, just talk to her. She’ll listen to you.”
I said nothing for awhile, my hand resting on the wall. “Yeah…thanks,” my response must have been obscured by my rough exhale but I think she heard it. I already know that I have to talk to Sena. Beyond all that hostility, there had been something else in its most latent form. I recognized it because it existed in me too and I’d seen a bold reflection of it in her eyes when she had looked at me.
And as much as I knew this. I just wasn’t ready to face her yet.
A/N (5/2/2013): Oh lawd! I thought I’d never stop typing!! That is what I wrote at work today. My eyes are so heavy right now, you should see the amount of scrap paper on my bed right now. I write so many shorts when I’m at work, I have to rifle through the many papers to find what I want. Anyway that’s Chapter 2. For the rest of the content (up until I get to chapter 6) I’ve decided they will be canon intros; which means I’ll have to revisit the NEXT episodes. It’ll work better for me that way.