愛 Kenjii Musings 愛

Journal of anime ramblings, fiction works and reflections

Fiction Entry #7: Beyond the Distance

Her sobs were muffled in the pillow pressed to her lips. She reached blindly for the tissues and grabbed a few, wiping at her eyes roughly to stop the pathetic tears. She’d promised herself not to cry. But her emotions were too much to be repressed by the wavering strength of her indifference. Nothing was good enough.

Her head throbbed from the ache her crying caused. This was ridiculous. All of it. So ridiculous that laughter became mixed with her sobs. After six years, she thought she would be strong enough to deal with the emotions she harbored for him. She hadn’t even seen him physically. Never felt his touch. Or knew what his lips would feel like against hers. Nor could she really discern how she would feel wrapped in his arms…

Her eyes narrowed in the darkness, and the silhouettes of furniture became blurred by her tears. She wanted it to stop. She didn’t want to love him when he was so far away, an entire ocean separating them. Exhaling softly, she blew her nose and rested her head on her pillow, and inhaled deeply.

As she calmed, she felt the slightest stroke against her cheek, like a finger that reached out in the darkness to touch her. It was comforting, frightening, and she blinked. Arms wrapped around her, covering her own and pulled her back against an unknown, solid frame. She tensed. She was going insane. She thought she wished it so badly, that her imagination had created the solace she yearned for. Then there was a disembodied voice that whispered an odd, simple phrase that made her smile. Maybe it was all in her mind.

“Wait for me.” 

She murmured the whisper to herself and fell asleep, hugging her pillow close. Maybe they would meet.

Hands

***

Now that I’ve written this, I feel a lot better. My nose is still stuffy from crying and honestly I couldn’t sleep with all of these bottled emotions torturing me. It was a lot rawer when I first started it, a lot longer but I thought to cut back on the content. I just wanted to write until I felt better.

Love is really such a complicated matter. The mixed emotions it causes me to feel and how paranoid it makes me at times. I think it is just absolutely absurd. It makes me feel unstable. I don’t like it. But at the same time, I’m no longer at the point where I can just push it aside and bury it deep in the recesses of indifference. Probably I’m just infatuated but infatuation doesn’t extend to six years because that’s too much of a stretch on the term “temporary”. I have no qualms recognizing the gravity of my feelings now. I just hope it’s still reciprocated…

That’s it for me though. I finally feel drained so now I can sleep. I’m glad I have this outlet. Have a goodnight, or morning, wherever you are.

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This entry was posted on February 23, 2013 by in General, Personal, Stories and tagged , , , , .
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