愛 Kenjii Musings 愛

Journal of anime ramblings, fiction works and reflections

Living and not just existing ~Sayonara 2012~

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So it’s December 31st, the last day of December and the last day of the year 2012. Somehow, I feel a little cheated by how quickly the year went by. Everything was just a big blur. Nothing significant happened this year, excepting the overexposed theory that the world would end the 21st of December. Well now, having just a few hours before the first day of 2013, it’s obvious that didn’t work out. I’m glad it didn’t work out that way because I’m actually looking forward to 2013 even though I have a few unsettling qualms about the direction my life will be taking.

I’ll be nineteen this week, which means I’m getting closer to becoming independent, going on my own and shedding dependence on my parents for survival. The prospect is exciting and also unnerving. The more my mother annoys me, is the more I entertain the thought. The more she babies me, is the more my insecurities are fed about moving out and establishing a new home and life for myself. That in itself causes more ambivalence than I really need.

Making a New Year’s Resolution really never made much of a difference. There’s always the bad habit of setting goals that aim towards changing the negative things about me. I never change them though. I make the resolution then leave it to decay in the back of my mind without any guilt. I’ll snap back to reality when everything seems to just be passing me by but then slink back into my comfort zone.

For this new year though, I plan to make some changes, changes that I’ll stick to or try my utmost best to stick to. (Words are void without actual actions). First, first, absolute first: restructuring my prioritizing skills. They are for shit. I have the habit of waiting until the last minute to get things done, then crying my heart out when things don’t happen the way I expect it to. The choices I make that revolve around my life’s progress are usually made at the very end. Like studying for finals; I’ll wait until two nights before to cram my head with information then try not to lose my mind on the day of exams.

Second: There are changes that need to be made to my personality: my withdrawal. It affects my family and friends in a negative way. Sometimes it is unintentional, other times I do it without a reason. I really love solitude, but when it comes down to it there are the contradictions of feeling lonely and having no one to talk to; a regrettable consequence.

My finals in 2013 will decide if I go to the University of my choice or if I’ll have to wait another year to take resit exams. I want to change the effort of my potential. It gets cliched hearing my parents talking about not working to my full potential. However, when I see the disheartening and mediocre results, their words come back to haunt me. I want to change that. Scratch that, I will change that. Where I end up is really important to me. I have enough time to put things back into logical perspective. And it’s elementary knowledge that time wasted cannot be regained. So, I’ll be trying my absolute best to put out my best.

How do you plan to approach the new year? A few persons haven’t fully grasped substantial goals to work towards and for those who have, they sometimes choose to just exist and suspend their desires to be controlled by the mere flow of nature without contributing to its reality in their lives.

Embrace your hopes and resolutions. Continue – or start – working towards what you want. Live, and don’t just exist in this world.

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
– Norman Vincent Peale

Happy New Year when it comes and be happy~!! 

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One comment on “Living and not just existing ~Sayonara 2012~

  1. veebie29
    January 2, 2013

    Happy New Year to you!!! 😀 lol

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This entry was posted on December 31, 2012 by in Personal and tagged , , , .
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